The Backwards T-Shirt Lesson: What I Learned with My 2-Year-Olds
This song captures something essential: life is messy, and that's okay. Its core message "hey, don't write yourself off yet" speaks directly to the perfectionist voice that tells us our imperfect attempts aren't worth celebrating. It's not saying "aim lower" or "give up on quality." It's saying that the path forward isn't about getting everything right on the first try.
My 2-year-old daughters have been claiming their autonomy and independence by trying new things every day.
Recently, they started to get dressed on their own. A big smile stamps on their faces, not hiding how proud they are: "I did it!". It doesn't matter that the t-shirt is backwards. They can do it alone. That's enough.
Then, onto the shoes: They are focused on the task, analyzing the best way to do it. I watch apprehensively, holding my instincts to jump in and help them.
"I did it!" -- It doesn't matter that the sides are swapped and that they walk funny now. They just did it. They accomplished something. That's huge. That's enough.
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When did it become so hard for humans to recognize those small accomplishments?
For me, I guess it comes from getting so much criticism as a child, that trying new things feels dangerous, risky. If I try and it's not the way I envisioned, then it's not good enough, something to be ashamed of.
Even when one of the screens I designed for a big bank appeared on a billboard at the Pearson Airport, seen by thousands of travellers daily, all I could see was the ugly app screen that was implemented poorly with a bunch of bugs.
I never believed the compliments I received from others about the projects I worked on. I thought they were just saying nice things to make me feel good.
My high bar became a measuring stick I held up to everyone around me too. Even though what I did was not good enough, I thought no one could do things as well as I could, so I nitpicked, criticized, and controlled.
My daughters didn't put on their shoes right? I wanted to redo it. My partner didn't do the dishes when I expected? I did it because I can't wait. I realized I wasn't just exhausting myself, I was exhausting everyone around me, too.
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Looking at my daughters was a wake-up call. They showed me that achieving something, even when making mistakes, is still worth celebrating. Because at least you did it. You tried. And you can fix it later if needed. Or leave it, because that might be good enough.
The pressure I put on myself still exists, but something shifted: Last week, I started to write. It was terrifying. I hit publish anyway, no overthinking. It wasn't perfect. But I did it! And here I am again. Writing. And that's enough.
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What's one cool thing you've started recently that deserves some celebration?