On Silence and Pattern Recognition
The song's central tension is between surface-level communication and deeper understanding, mirroring how I feel about the need for quiet processing time versus society's demand for instant, crisp communication. It portrays silence not as emptiness or failure to communicate, but as a meaningful space where real thinking and insight can happen.
I don't remember when exactly I realized how good I am at noticing patterns. So good that they take over my brain.
The truth is, it's exhausting work happening inside my head, usually at quiet times when I can focus inward: while walking, swimming, doing dishes, showering, or trying to sleep.
But it also happens during conversations or work meetings, as my brain collects verbal and non-verbal inputs and processes them in real time to extract insights.
When my brain is deeply focused, I can't talk much or articulate thoughts logically on the spot because it's too occupied finding answers. For those who know me, they recognize I'm making sense of things, listening intently to my own thoughts. While I'm silent, my thoughts are loud.
As insights come, I start to articulate with clarity and precision. That's when I shine. Until then, it's chaos inside my head. It's me making sense of everything. Like sorting puzzle pieces by colour and shape, working from edges to center until the full picture emerges.
That's MY communication pattern!
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For those unfamiliar with my thought process, it's challenging. My lack of words or confusing speech may be misinterpreted as a lack of confidence or poor communication skills. I believed that about myself for years too, thanks to others' judgment and unclear feedback. I did multiple courses and eventually improved to their standards of what good communication means, but I still fall short when I feel judged.
The more I notice the eye rolls and sighs, the more confused I get and the less I talk. I enter the Fight/Flight/Freeze mode as I don't feel heard. That's when I really struggle. (Thanks, brain, for noticing this pattern!)
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Recently, I received candid, concrete feedback on how I deliver my messages, and I finally got clarity on exactly what I could change.
After analyzing my communication experiences and identifying patterns in my interactions, I realized I've been shrinking because people want clear, crisp communication on the spot. Our society is obsessed with speed. As an introvert processor who values listening, that's hell. Listening requires effort and time, but most of us can't afford to waste it.
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As I prepare for my next chapter, this is the foundation of how I want to intentionally work with others moving forward:
Pausing and listening with care to others and myself
Noticing the patterns in chaos
Connecting dots and creating insights that drive meaningful decisions
I'm adopting it not as my weakness anymore, but as my personal style. And if needed, I'll be clear about the time I need to process my thoughts, too.
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Next time you think someone is struggling to deliver their message, how about listening more intentionally or giving them time? By helping them articulate their thoughts, you may discover something really good, together.